I remember in high school, when girls would break up with guys (not me of course, but from what my friends told me!)…they’d have that uncomfortable conversation…”Really, you’re too good to me, I don’t deserve you, I really like you as a friend, one day you’ll thank me…it’s me, really, it’s not you.”
Funny, how in some ways, we never grow. In an advising session with a client last week, he shared how he was struggling with a looming termination of an employee. He had long since realized the employee was clearly underperforming, there had been no signs of improvement in the midst of numerous opportunities to improve, and the department was suffering. Everyone knew the employee’s time was up. Yet, the leader was spending weeks anguishing over how to have the conversation, looking for ways, in essence, to take the burden, pain and responsibility for failure to live up to expectations off of the soon-to-be ex-employee, to (in his words) make the break “more comfortable”.
Needless to say, my wife is extremely grateful for all the high school girlfriends who made the decision to cut me loose. Growth isn’t comfortable; it’s messy and painful and sometimes even ugly. Funny how we struggle with those critical conversations, whether it’s in personal relationships or in business. We don’t want to be cold and uncaring, so we ere on the side of long-suffering and overly compassionate and protective. Believe it or not, there’s a third option though, and it’s the one leaders are called to choose.
Leaders: When you let someone go, you’re truly releasing them to begin growing and moving into their destiny. The season for you, as a leader, having stewardship and responsibility to help them grow is ALMOST over. The final step, the great opportunity, is in that final meeting, as an opportunity to help them, and YOU, grow. You can take the Trump “you’re fired” approach. Or, with compassion, you can release them but at the same time share your perspective on the opportunities you see that, if they embrace them and work on their weak areas that lost them their job, could propel them to the level of success they were called to experience. After all, at some level, there were 3 reasons they failed: You weren’t perfect as a leader, they weren’t perfect as an employee, and opportunities for growth on both sides weren’t recognized, maximized, and capitalized upon. So, in effect, your opportunity now is to take one more chance at reaffirming the incredible gifts you saw in them when you hired them. Share with them, honestly and with humility, where you failed as a leader (after all, you hired them, you thought you could lead them effectively!). But, with love, encourage them to approach their next job with a different perspective: Spending more time cultivating their gift to succeed under a new leader, at a new company. What a gift to give someone…not just the employee, but their soon-to-be next boss. Imagine if everyone you hired was given that gift from their previous leader…
